my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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