Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
