so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
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I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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