cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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