Pregnant stripper...not hot.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
high people should be assigned attendants
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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