Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
