that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
