I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
