I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
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i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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