woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
