i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
