3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
