I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I party with great urgency now.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
