operation have a gay friend backfired
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
