drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
