If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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