he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize