Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
ttyl tear gas
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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