I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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