Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
