i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
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If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
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A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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