My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
