just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
