I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
