oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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