How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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