Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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