i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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