How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
