I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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