Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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