The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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