I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
