I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
