I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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