yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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