I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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