Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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