that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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