The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
