Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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