I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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