yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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