She's JV to your varsity
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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