After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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