i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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