You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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