i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
