I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
