I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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