Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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