Someone shit on the floor
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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