Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
