Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
