We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
