Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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