She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
