I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
