i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
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