i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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