Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm too high and old for this...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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