The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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