Barsexuality is the new black.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
