i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
