you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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