Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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