You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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