Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
