she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
