I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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