I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
