I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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