im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
