I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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