It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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