This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
