I want to stick my p in your. b.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
