I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
