Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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