I accidentally burped into my bong.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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