he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
