went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
