I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
