guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
