I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
