apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
