dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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