lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
