Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
