Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.

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  (636): I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher. http://tfl.nu/pfmp
  Replies (132) Good night (8625) Bad night (926)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.

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  (503): i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean. http://tfl.nu/trho
  Replies (19) Good night (7046) Bad night (567)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers

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  (614): Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers http://tfl.nu/1ki8
  Replies (29) Good night (860) Bad night (10284)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

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  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (11498) Bad night (1205)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

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  (630): last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone. http://tfl.nu/hjip
  Replies (21) Good night (8454) Bad night (991)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"

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  (248): They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick" http://tfl.nu/5fi0
  Replies (13) Good night (4805) Bad night (1024)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high

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  (607): Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high http://tfl.nu/24mk
  Replies (11) Good night (5062) Bad night (1342)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.

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  (317): I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting. http://tfl.nu/kkkr
  Replies (25) Good night (3775) Bad night (2886)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..

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  (443): I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night.. http://tfl.nu/hua7
  Replies (3) Good night (2128) Bad night (1023)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.

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  (614): Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok. http://tfl.nu/bya3
  Replies (6) Good night (1722) Bad night (803)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.

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  (618): So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me. http://tfl.nu/3nre
  Replies (4) Good night (2418) Bad night (795)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.

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  (304): I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me. http://tfl.nu/6i2r
  Replies (6) Good night (2577) Bad night (539)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome

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  (716): I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome http://tfl.nu/f4q6
  Replies (3) Good night (618) Bad night (1059)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.

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  (256): Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants. http://tfl.nu/myfs
  Replies (2) Good night (836) Bad night (536)
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  (310): View more from California

  she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving

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  (310): she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving http://tfl.nu/bvaw
  Replies (2) Good night (910) Bad night (299)

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