Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.