so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
