At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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