I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."