come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
