I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Even my vagina gasped.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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