Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
