What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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