i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
