Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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