Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
