Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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