Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
