In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We need a shit load of segways right now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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