And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
