Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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