Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I forget how to act sober
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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