But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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