while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
